5 Reasons to Avoid The Red Fruit of Death

  1. hazardous-tomato1Botanically the tomato is a fruit… That right there is cause for concern. What kind of witchcraft was involved to make us all think its a vegetable? Strike one tomato, strike one.

  2. Solanine – Whats that you say? Never heard of this? Well, solanine is a toxic alkaloid. Even if you dont know what a toxic alkaloid is it sounds scary doesn’t it? While at first glance you would think its something that goes into the production of batteries but the truth is far more sinister. This little naturally occurring ingredient in the leaves of the tomato plant has been linked to at least one death when some unsuspecting fool used the leaves of the tomato plant in a tea. You may be thinking that one death isnt a big deal, but what if that person owed you money, or knew what actually rhymed with orange. Ill wait here while you try and rhyme it…. stinks right?

  3. Its nickname is the Poison Apple. You dont get that kind of nickname for nothing. Nicknames are sacred and you just dont go throwing around names for nothing. Aristocrats DIED after eating the “poison apple”. Well, it was probably the pewter plates they used that killed them off by leaching lead into their systems but it was the acidity in the tomato that caused it in the first place.

  4. In the late 1700s, a large percentage of Europeans feared the tomato. A LARGE PERCENTAGE. If someone tells you a large percentage of people are doing something its probably true. Granted most people are morons but this is my article and I cant post unsubstantiated claims all day long. If you dont agree with me its probably from too much tomato consumption.

  5. If my irrefutable facts numbered one through four above havent shed light on this epidemic let me leave you with this thought. Tomatoes have a terrible texture no matter what anyone may try and tell you to the contrary.

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